Canada's Next Top Model Episode 5: In the Spotlight

Source: By CHRIS JANCELEWICZ

Posted: 06/23/09 11:25PM

Filed Under: Canada's Next Top Model

Tonight came the real fashion litmus tests for the girls - no more of the inane stupidity of the 'flutter board' challenge from last week. They were subjected to a model obstacle course: Could they survive an interview with a (gasp!) MTV Canada personality? Could they manoeuvre and schmooze their way through the pompous intelligentsia of Toronto Fashion Week? And lastly, could they do what models MUST do at one point or another in their careers - stab their pointy stiletto heel through the heart of a dear friend in order to get to the top? I'm talking metaphorically, of course - Jay Manuel doesn't endorse murder.

Up first, we're bored to death at MTV Canada, where the girls are introduced to Dan and Jess, hosts of something called The After Show. Maybe I'm hopelessly uncool, but I've never heard of it. God bless 'em, the two hosts try to teach fundamental interviewee skills ("nothing is off the record" - duh), but are so dull and scripted my eyes glaze over and I don't hear a word they say. The mock interviews are generally a bore, except for Maryam's; the language barrier prevents her from understanding the concept of 'mock'. So when Dan and Jess ask her about a sex tape they've uncovered, her face turns beet red and she ducks her head down. That's all the evidence we'll ever need, Maryam!

Oh, also, Rebeccah admits she's a lesbian. Yawn.

Of course, all this stupidity is in prep for the real thing - Jeanne Beker shows up to take them to Toronto Fashion Week, where they must schmooze away with elegantly-dressed snobs. What they don't realize is Jeanne has set up a couple interviews along the way for each girl. Nikita is effortlessly charming, and Meaghan is just too adorable. Rebeccah has some witty rebuttals for the interviewers, which is a natural skill for someone who's been picked on, and I can tell the poor thing's had it in spades. Linsay's confident...Heather not so much. Maryam really bites it, once again thanks to the language barrier. Someone get this girl her passport and a French-English dictionary, STAT!

Nikita emerges the winner, and wins a mammoth prize of $4000 at Holt Renfrew. All the women I'm watching the show with gasp in horror and jealousy. Especially when she purchases a pair of slitted heeled boots (<<could you call them that?) - there's catcalls and other wickedness that I can't repeat here. If you ask me, Meaghan wins the real prize when the dentist replaces her metal braces with sexy InvisAlign. It makes a world of difference.

CNTM continues to pimp out the products, with the main photo challenge brought to you by LG cell phones. Of course it's not explicit, but it doesn't need to be. We see more of the damn phone than we do the girls' photos. So shameless. Anyway, the girls are paired up and ordered to try to steal the spotlight away from one another in the shoot. It's basically a party scene, and the girls are on their respective phones. You know those ads on the side of bus stops? Yeah, those.

The first team, Maryam and Linsay, is pretty bad. Maryam can't take orders from the photographer, mainly because she can't understand them, and the actual shoot is hellish. Somehow, thanks to the Gods of Photogenia, she actually pulls off a beautiful picture. Linsay doesn't luck out as much and instead continues her Bobble Head trend, where her head is either foorrrrrward, or baaaaaaackward. She just can't keep it straight.

Then they pitch the two blondes against each other (Meaghan vs. Heather); the judges have been consistently mixing them up, but I don't see how that's possible. They're completely different. Anyway, everyone expects Heather to beat out Meaghan, but in true Top Model fashion, everything's turned on its head, and Meaghan rocks the photo. Sexy sexy! Heather looks like the rejected beauty queen who drank too much at a kegger. Not pretty.

The final pairing, which I would have been excited to see in the first episode, is the joining of two BIG personalities, Nikita and Rebeccah. Rebeccah has been mentally checked out of the competition for the entire episode - it's apparent just by looking at her eyes. When she's getting criticism from the judges, I think she may have been going over her grocery list in her head, she looks that disinterested. Her photo is also lacklustre, and as Tyra - whoops I mean Jay - says, it's "ugly-pretty." That's apparently the opposite of "pretty-ugly", which is how Nikita's pic turns out. In case you're not familiar with CNTM speak, that means good.

Bottom two at elimination panel this week are Linsay and Rebeccah. When I see Linsay bawling her eyes out at the prospect of being kicked off, and Rebeccah staring blankly into the void as Jay goes over her faults, I know who's going home. Above all in a Top Model, even if you can schmooze the ass off a baboon, you have to want to model. And square-peg-in-a-round-hole Rebeccah certainly doesn't want it anymore.

She's booted off, and maybe it's for the best. The final little elimination shuffle she treats us to (as she's walking off set) is enough to make it part of my civic duty to recommend help. It wasn't the competition for you, girl. Tame the beast.

Random Noticeables:

-- The judges really ragged on Nikita for not wearing "nice" clothes and high heels to panel. Uhm, she looked hot, Jay! What are you on about? Models don't always wear heels.

-- What was that weird whipped cream food fight in the kitchen with Nikita, Heather, and Meaghan? And why was Rebeccah feeling isolated from that? Hello? Lesbian? There's three hot chicks in the kitchen throwing whipped cream all over each other!

-- I find kinship with Meaghan and her hypochondria. "I need to douche my eyeball, I got sand in it." Instant classic.

-- Anyone else notice that Rebeccah is a leftie? I would have bet money on it if I didn't know already.

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