Top Model Episode 10: A Dutch Fairytale
Source: By CHRIS JANCELEWICZ
Posted: 11/12/08 11:17PM
Filed Under: Top Model
The second half of this season is beginning to look and sound like some sort of Dutch fairytale. You even have the two evil witches (in this case, Marjorie and Samantha, one fidgety and insane, the other daft), a princess (in this instance, Analeigh, a complete angel), and the princess' homely-but-beautiful-in-the-right-light counterpart (McKey). Throw in booze and a few Dutch men and you've got yourself a modern spin on an old classic.
To put it simply, Marjorie has cracked under the pressure of attempting to achieve Tyra greatness and has resolved to drown herself in booze - because, really, what else would a 'European' do? After winning one of the stupid Paulina Porizkova skill-building challenges, Marjorie lets loose. She's still all twitchy and awkward and wide-eyed, but at least she's drunk too. That makes it more fun for us.
I gotta say it was remarkable that Marjorie won the challenge: the girls had to depict a comic strip by running on a treadmill and kissing a grizzled model from the early 90s. Yeah, I didn't see the connection either. For such a RIDICULOUS task, most of the girls were OK, if you can believe it - except Marjorie. She looked like an escaped mental patient running for her life on that treadmill, glinting teeth, wild eyes, erratic insect movements and all. Hers was the only performance the judges called 'scary', yet inexplicably she took home the $10,000 shopping spree prize. Makes no sense.
Then there's the party she decides to throw afterwards. Suddenly the complete and total antithesis of Marjorie - confident, defiant, frivolous - comes out to play. She calls up the boat drivers from last week's go-sees and invites them over. They arrive, to much fanfare, but it's not long before we realize these guys are total sleazebags out to score some American model tail. St. Analeigh (who I just love - can I say that?) steps up to the plate against all of the guys, and tells them to leave Marjorie alone and go home. At this point, the Frenchie is trashed and ramming her tongue down a guy's throat while bathing in her clothing. Later on, when she sobers up, she readily admits she knew the other girls wouldn't drink and would take care of her, so she got drunk feeling safe and secure. I'd love to see her try that in the real modelling world, where the other girls would abandon her penniless at a bus station as soon as they possibly could.
Speaking of which, that would have made for a great photo shoot - but no, we get a ho-hum shot in front of a freakin' windmill. Yes, we know you're in Amsterdam, but can we move past the stereotypes? For a final-four photo shoot, it's as bland as they come. The only wild aspects of the shoot are the makeup, which is laid on thick, and the hair, which is teased up biiiiiig.
The two princesses excel in their shoots. McKey's endless photo extravaganza continues with a great photo. The judges love it, as usual. Analeigh has this quiet confidence that wins every time, and she tries out unique poses without the asinine flailing that normally goes on in the final episodes of an ANTM cycle. The judges adore it too.
The two witches fare as one would expect. Samantha chokes this week - she blames it on the clogs, we blame it on her intellect - though she still comes off as cute and vulnerable. Her major downfall is that she's not sexy, in person or on film, unless completely directed. She's kind of like a child trying on hooker clothes. It's weird. And then Marjorie, literally embodying her Hunchback of Notre Dame character, seems to have developed a hump. Literally, there it was as she was slouching in front of the camera. Her attitude is sour, enough to make Nigel direct his gaze of hate directly at her.
At panel, when Tyra attempts to give Marjorie Tyra Photo Critique #456-2, Marjorie says nothing, but stands there without expression. As a viewer, you can't see it, but there's an exact moment where Tyra snaps. And that time is when someone isn't listening to her. It happens at panel tonight, when Marjorie's stupid smirk seals her elimination fate.
At least 10 minutes before you get to the bottom two, you know who's going home. Marjorie is sent packing, much to a weeping Analeigh's disdain. Samantha's poor performance is redeemed by her ability to listen, or at least pretend to listen. Of course, Tyra's encrypted message of this final result is: don't drink and have pseudo-orgies with random guys. Not in her fairytale.
Random Noticeables:
-- Nigel LOVES Analeigh. Every cycle he has a favourite. It's hilarious.
-- There's way too much of Paulina. It must be in her contract. It's killing us and the show. Why can't Miss J use up some of the time?? At least he has fun.
-- At panel, when Tyra's introducing the judges, she stands right in front of a sitting Nigel. When she says his name, he leans to the side around Tyra's ass to get in the path of the camera lens. And he's gotta lean faaaaaar. Just sayin'.
-- It takes Tyra like 10 million years to describe what she thinks Cupid-bow lips are. No one cares!
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