Top Model Episode 11: Deja Vu
Source: By CHRIS JANCELEWICZ
Posted: 05/13/09 11:52PM
Filed Under: Top Model
Before watching the finale I'd heard that judge Paulina Porizkova was fired from the show, on her birthday, because Top Model needed to "trim the fat." Initially I thought it was a clever play on words referring to Tyra's ever-expanding waistline, but instead it seems that Paulina ia secondary to the show's functioning. I don't necessarily disagree with that, I just think it's a bit harsh, even beyond Tyra harsh.
Allisons Portfolio
Allison was a forgettable face this early on in the competition.
The CW
After the makeover, her newly-dyed hair brought out her striking features - most notably her eyes.
The CW
In her team pose with London, the two looked exactly like a couple of b--ches judging other girls at the mall.
The CW
In the black and white shot, Allison's pose is a bit strange, considering she's supposed to be fresh off the boat at Ellis Island. Not exactly the time for vogue.
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Allison was a hot vixen in this shot with Ciara.
The CW
This beautiful photo shoot showed us how gorgeous Allison can be up close.
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The light shot is meh, though the makeup and hair combo really works with her. Also, at least she stands out from the other girls.
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Shockingly effective as Carmen Miranda, Allison rocks Brazil.
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But not so much at the beach, where nearly everyone else in the photo stands out more than her. Even the fat guy next to her draws the eye more effectively.
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Allison already sort of looks like a scared bird, so she had the advantage when she was ordered to pose as a scared bird. Hot pic!
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Because of the whole Paulina thing, it doesn't surprise me that the judges choose the winner they choose. It's only logical that you follow illogic with illogic.
The girls' first challenge is the obligatory Cover Girl commercial and photo shoot (basically where they douse the girl in powder and parade her around in pastel-coloured clothing). McKey is there, looking Lurch-y and teeth-y. Come to think of it, McKey is kind of like the harbinger of death in this episode, warning us of what's to come at the final judging panel.
For the Cover Girl shoot, Aminat struts on set with incredible confidence - usually a bad sign. She looks beautiful, she tries hard, but something's missing. Jay Manuel yells at her, "Don't give me Botoxville!" and he's right. It's as if the entire top of Aminat's head (above her nose) is dead to movement. Allison surprises everyone and rather than melt into the background, she stands out and looks cute, both essential components of being a Cover Girl.
The biggest shock of the episode is Teyona on set. Rather than walking in, smiling, and taking control, she literally puts her head in her hands and starts sobbing after doing half of her first take. It's the closest thing to a top model meltdown I've ever seen on ANTM. Her work on camera is the absolute worst I've ever seen, too.
As foretold by the appearance of McKey, Witch Tyra (dressed inexplicably in black velvet robes) sends Aminat packing instead of Teyona. Witch Tyra dispenses her brilliant advice - in this case, "master that face", and our 6-ft beauty is gone. So the final runway showdown is between Eyes (Allison) and Alien (Teyona). Neeeeever would have predicted this.
Before the Rosa Cha runway show, McKey appears once again, baring her horse teeth of foreboding at us. She starts the show with her horrible walk; things just keep getting worse. Jay Manuel, dressed in his best Jetsons chic, greets and motivates the girls. "Stomp it to the death!" he yells as the girls take the runway in scanty bathing suits. Allison looks like a pre-pubescent girl heading into a wading pool, so when she's unbelievably sexy on the runway, I feel beyond dirty. She performs so well that I forget how terrible her walk used to be, and I totally want her to win now. Blast! I was so unattached to anyone!
Cycle 12 Contestants |
Looking back at these gallery images, I would have never pegged Teyona as Top Model. But then again, I haven't understood the past three winners. I never really grasped the Teyona love, even though Tyra and the judges did. Guess that's what really matters. |
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PHOTOS |
Teyona, by contrast, is as inexplicable in the final two as Whitney, Saleisha, and McKey in previous cycles before her. She walks the runway like a demented robot, all stiff limbs and no personality. She's even ugly sometimes.
Allison exclaims, "I want this more than anything!", which is good, because for the last 'walk' on the runway, the girls are covered in mud and forced to roll around on a wet runway "oil slick" with a bunch of guys and look 'sexy.' The best part is the girls are writhing around literally at the feet of Tyra and the other judges. It's like some bizarre Egyptian ritual orgy that Bankable Productions came up with. Hands down the weirdest runway I'd ever seen.
So what conclusion can you draw from the illogic? Despite the fact that Allison grew by leaps and bounds throughout the competition, and Teyona merely stagnated and gave the same performance week after week, Eyes is eliminated. Alien-Face/Wind Tunnel/Teyona takes the crown. She joins the long string of bad winners.
At least there's some consolation for Allison: she wears a schoolgirl's uniform with the best of them. She'll be the hottest frikkin' thing in Japan.
Random Noticeables:
-- Even though I knew it was coming, I don't understand the Teyona love. For the entire season, I really wasn't feeling her. She may as well have been a shadow, that's how much I remember about her.
-- It might be better that Paulina's gone. Maybe now she can be in a show that makes some sense.
-- During the runway orgy, Teyona's weave falls off, and she starts whipping it around. It looks like a filthy squirrel pelt. I would have eliminated her for that alone.
-- OK, I don't know how many disappointments I can take. I get all emotionally invested in these girls, and then I'm crushed when they pick the other one. The next season may be a no-go for me. It's been fun.
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