Top Model Episode 11: In the Twilight Zone
Source: By CHRIS JANCELEWICZ
Posted: 11/19/08 10:07PM
Filed Under: Top Model
After 11 episodes, we come down to this: a sorry excuse for a finale. After both eliminations Tyra runs from the room, saying 'I've gotta get out of here' with that strange manic grin on her face. My theory? She knew it was a disaster and wanted to get off-camera. It sounds paranoid but really, you had to see it.
You have three beautiful girls left - one's a bit clunky and oafish (McKey), one's supposed to be the innocent-and-naive one (Samantha), and the last one is sweet as sugar, cute as a bug's ear (Analeigh). Their challenge is the classic Cover Girl commercial shoot, which is known for its make-or-break-a-model ability.
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McKey stumbles at first, but then excels as her lines return to her memory. Samantha...um...I don't know, none of us paid attention to her. All we saw on the screen were two black empty pits for eyes. We were too concerned about our girl Analeigh, who seemed to be pulling a complete blank on her lines. And she choked. Right there, we saw it. We knew Analeigh was going home as soon as we saw her twirling her peace sign necklace around her finger in hope. Her cute mannerisms still didn't help ease the pain, though, when Tyra gave her the obligatory fake hug and sent her packing.
So the rest of the episode is pretty much an exercise in torture as McKey and Samantha duke it out in the Wonderful World of Jay Manuel and his pink-hilled runway design. In what amounts to a runway over mounds of spray-painted sand, the girls are supposed to take a running start up one of the hills(we're talking sprinting in stilettos) and then gracefully walk the rest of the rolling way. To add insult to injury, cycle 10 winner Whitney's there, smiling and promoting Crest toothpaste every spare second she gets (believe me, Tyra doesn't give her much). Having Whitney there was the equivalent of the return of the frikkin' albatross.
It can go down in history as the worst runway in Top Model history. Seriously. I thought last cycle's result was bad, but this was by far the worse showing. McKey may as well have been wearing a football jersey and pads as she walked down the runway. She looked like she was taking the field at the Super Bowl: cocky swagger, bull legs, and the squarest jaw you've ever seen. Her face might work on edgier runway, maybe. But here it didn't.
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And Samantha. Oh, Samantha. She couldn't stop herself from seeming concerned. Her little forehead would furrow on the simplest of demands. Her walk reflected it: she looked like she was taking a walk in the mall, occasionally stopping to peer in a window. She couldn't exude high fashion vibes even if they were implanted inside her skin.
Whitney walks too, but the tears from our laughter obscure the view, so I can't really tell you how bad it was. From runway, we go right into judging, where the four of these buggers debate the lesser of two evils. When Miss J says he liked both of their walks, I can't believe it. Where am I? This is the guy who pokes fun at anyone who doesn't walk in a straight line, yet he thinks it's all good when two truckers just walked the runway? This whole time, I keep praying that Tyra's going to jump up and say, "Ha, ha, this was all a joke. Analeigh really won."
Instead, we're treated to a horror of horrors: McKey winning. At this point, I'm sort of numb - so much so that I hardly notice McKey pick up Tyra like a linebacker picks up his teammate after scoring a touchdown. Tyra smiles awkwardly and runs away, just like us. We gotta get out of here.
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Random Noticeables:
-- Jay. Dude. Your shirts.
-- And speaking of terrible attire, TYRA. What the hell was she wearing?? One ensemble was a one-piece short-short-short shorts and puffy-shouldered hoochie suit. Her hair rose nearly two feet off her head. This show was a freakin' trip.
-- What the hell was that stuff going on on the runway before the show? Miss J, walking with a cane, and some guy with a balloon over his head? Twilight Zone.
-- Ooooh boy. Two bad decisions in a row...actually, three. I'd say here that I won't bother watching next cycle, but then I'd be lying to you. Thanks for reading, I'll be back next time.
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