Top Model Episode 8: You're Gonna Have to Put on the Red Light
Source: By CHRIS JANCELEWICZ
Posted: 10/29/08 10:18PM
Filed Under: Top Model
It's off to Amsterdam with our final six. This is one of the coolest locales they've ever ventured to. Of course, our girls aren't the brightest bulbs in the shed, so they individually express their shock at the canals, the beauty, and the cleanliness of (most of) Amsterdam. I almost have a heart attack when Samantha claims she's going to have "some bomb photo shoots", because I honestly thought she was going to say "bong hits". I don't know what show I thought I was watching.
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So it's go, go, go, right from the start. As soon as they get off the plane, they're sent off on an Amazing Race-esque challenge: they're split into pairs, and whichever duo gets to the new apartment first receives 50 extra frames in the photo shoot. And so ensues the girls running around the city like frenzied chickens. It doesn't help that Amsterdam is probably one of the most confusing cities to navigate in the world - any city arranged like concentric circles is hard enough for your average tourist, let alone an aspiring model in flip-flops who just got off an 11-hour flight.
The winners are Samantha and Elina, who hate each other but work together well enough to find their home. A close second are not-quite-lesbians-but-probably-experimenting Analeigh and Marjorie. Last is the odd couple, McKey and Sheena, who are a very distant third. To say their apartment is gorgeous is really an understatement - it has beautiful furniture, a windy staircase, big windows, and a modern feel to it. Too bad there's so many pictures of (last cycle winner) Whitney all over the place.
Samantha, McKey, and Sheena get angry when Marjorie, Analeigh, and Elina jump naked into the hot tub (yes, the ever-present hot tub that's in every season of ANTM) for a little relaxing bath. To the downers I say: shed your homophobic tendencies and let loose, girls. You're in the city of vice, you may as well live it up!
For this week's challenge, the girls have to pose in the windows of the Red Light District. I know what you're thinking, and no...they don't have to sell themselves for money. They're enlisted as part of a special project in which fashion designers use the windows as displays for their clothing. Make sense? Not at all? OK then, you're getting it.
This time, the girls don't get to pick their partners, so Analeigh and Elina are together, Sheena and Marjorie are a team, and McKey and Samantha pair up. They're put into elaborate Bjork-like dresses that can fold into coats at the top. It's no coincidence that the gowns look like vaginas, but luckily it goes right over the girls' heads. Sheena once again gets chastized for looking too 'hoochy', but come on! You're going to put the girl in a Red Light District window and expect her to act chaste? Ridiculous. At this point, they're being unfair to the poor thing. Analeigh gets her dress caught in some light decorations, and spends most of the time fumbling around. The only winning team is McKey and Samantha, who take home the mammoth prize of appearing in a few shows during International Fashion Week in Amsterdam. A big bonus, for sure.
Back at the house, Samantha and Elina quickly forget their previous bonding and get into an argument about respecting the occupation of prostitution. It's apparent that Samantha's knowledge on the topic is equivalent to a six-year-old's, spouting such nonsense as 'I just don't have any respect for it,' and 'how can I respect anyone who does that sort of thing?' Yes, Samantha, all prostitutes really want to have sex with dirty, sleazy strangers for money. It takes absolutely no courage to do something like that. Geez. For the first time, I side with Miss Crustypants Elina.
The main photo shoot is on a boat, out in the harbour. The girls wear 'lady of the ship' dresses, meaning sorta classy, sorta wench-y. It's picturesque and quaint, but overall pretty boring. I mean, c'mon! You're in a hot European city, and this is all you're giving us? Yawn. Jay Manuel's on duty at the shoot, and he keeps asking, 'Anyone sick yet?', 'Are you sure you're not feeling ill?' What, Joslyn puking last week not enough for you, Jay? Anything to spice up the shoot, I guess.
McKey manages to defy all beauty logic and takes yet another beautiful shot. She's so incongruent: nasty in person, gorgeous on film. Samantha's isn't great, she's just sorta there. Sheena's doomed from the start, and when she sits on the mast at one point, Jay pulls the hoochy card again. OK, so the mast is phallic, but she's just trying to pose. Whatever, her shot's pretty bad anyway. Elina looks stiff (surprise, surprise), but is awesome anyway because she completely ignores Jay's instructions. He laughs it off - with a 'You? Ignore Me?' kind of laugh. She probably just signed her elimination right there; she won't make it to the final three. Analeigh looks fantastic in her shot (I betcha she's going to win this cycle!) and Marjorie bends and contorts her way to another praise-full panel. Who knew that emulating scoliosis would be such a hit?
You could predict the final two about a quarter of the way through this episode, and it was certified when Elina brought up her dream just before elimination: she and Sheena were in the bottom two, and Sheena was crying. At least she was right about one thing, they are the final two. But when Sheena gets booted for being 'too sexy' - which is a complete crock - she doesn't shed a single tear. In fact, she has one of the best attitudes I've ever witnessed at an ANTM ouster. She politely hugs Elina, hugs Tyra, thanks the judges, and walks off with dry eyes. Classy to the last, Sheena. We're left with five babies with no den mother. Sparks will fly.
Random Noticeables:
-- Miss J. taking off his pants at panel was fantastic. It triggered so many questions, though. Was he wearing underwear or not? What was Samantha supposed to do with those pants, considering his legs are probably the size of her entire body? And was Tyra pissed that she didn't think of it first?
-- McKey's frikkin' chainmail/peasant girl outfit that she wore to panel. What the hell was that? And she says she wears that to school? Girl must have no friends.
-- Daphne Deckers is the host of Holland's Next Top Model? Man, I've been to Amsterdam, and if she's the prettiest model you could find in a country full of statuesque blonde beauties, you've gotta be blind.
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