We Give You a Licence to Kill Harper's Island
Source: AOL.ca
Posted: 04/07/09 11:13PM
Filed Under: Television
AOL Canada entertainment editors Soraya Roberts and Chris Jancelewicz sat down to watch 'Harper's Island', the new murder-mystery-reality-drama premiering on Global on Thursday at 10pm. We made it out alive. But only barely.
The Show - Reality Lite
The producers and directors of Harper's Island should be praised, but not for their superior product. Rather, the melding together of elements of reality TV and primetime teen TV is genius. Those people who love Survivor and 90210 will probably be fans of this show. But if you love one or the other exclusively, Harper's won't be for you; reality-philes will love the eliminations, but hate the romantic subtext. On the flip side, fluff-lovers will dislike the cerebral web-weaving.
The Credits - I Spit On Your Grave
While the TV spots focused more on the show's suspense, Harper's Island's credits tap into cult horror films of the 70s. The intro is overrun with cheesy phrases like "Seven people died...they will not be the last" while grotesque images of hangings are simply tacked on as an after-thought. We half-expected a snarling werewolf to jump out at us from the dense forest. Unfortunately, these guys can't use a low budget as an excuse. Harper's Island was made by CBS and is a - the first, in fact - TV mini-series, meaning it only needs enough cash to run for 13 weeks.
The Cast – Saved By an Irish Rose
It was exciting to see Ugly Betty's Henry (Christopher Gorham) re-emerge as another Henry here - until he started smiling maniacally. In the pilot he does little more than grin goofily at his new bride (who is a tad out of his league) and drop ever-so-unsubtle hints that suggest he holds a candle for his old friend, Abby Mills (Elaine Cassidy).
Irish actress Elaine Cassidy (Felicia's Journey) is the only member of the cast who actually draws us into the mystery. The rest of the cast simply plays to their stereotypes. Cameron Richardson (Chloe Carter) is the blonde bimbo who strips at every chance she gets; soap regular Harry Hamlin (Uncle Marty) chews the scenery as the fun-loving cradle-robbing relative; C.J. Thomason (Jimmy Mance) plays the local fisherman who still has the hots for a girl who looks prim and proper but can chug a beer with the best of the local loadies.
In the end, there are just way too many people on the island to follow. Add that to the fact that many of the women look identical (how many skinny white brunettes live in Seattle? A lot, apparently) and few of the characters have strong personalities. The end result is a pretty confusing pilot. And no, there are virtually no people of colour in this show - we counted one.
Oh - and remember that little girl featured in J-horror movies like The Ring and The Grudge? Well, she's here too. Not her EXACTLY, but a blatant rip-off of her!
The Suspense - Thrilled, I'm Sure
Harper's Island is supposed to be a thriller, but the fact that it keeps reminding us removes any suspense it may have had. The first ten minutes are jammed with moments that are supposed to make us jump out of our skin but only leave us nodding at their pedictability. Even the flashbacks are a bit laboured. What's more, the show is so dark in colour that half the time we couldn't even see which character was doing what. Yes, this island is full of foreboding, we get it, but couldn't someone turn up the moonlight a tad?
The Script – Dumb and Dumber
One of the main problems (and that's saying a lot) with Harper's Island is its script. The dialogue is riddled with stereotypes and lacks any sort of bite (excuse the pun), relying on the characters to provide some neural oomph. Sadly, the majority of them are not up to the task. The exception is Cassidy, as we mentioned above.
Considering how stuffed with clichés Harper's Island is, we generally laughed at the show, not with it. We giggle when the Old Rich Dad is stuffy and conservative, and the Old Poor Dad is unshaven and happy-go-lucky. There's the outcast, the fat kid (Jorge Garcia! It isn't him but he sure fits the bill), the aforementioned token minority, the best man, the 'affair' guy...really, any stereotype you can think of is represented. The only line of dialogue that shows any sort of potential is when flirty fishmonger James loses a game of pool to Abby and explains: "I'm at an emotional disadvantage!" So is the rest of the cast, James.
Final Verdict
We realize that many of you will tune in to Harper's, more than likely for its reality tv gimmick, but we just wanted to make sure you had a little warning. It's only fair when you'll be facing a murderer for 13 weeks.
'Harper's Island' premieres on April 9 at 10 pm on Global.
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